Deep Throat

(As told to us)

"It's funny how little people know about anything that is medical. Just the other day I overheard two employees talking, one of them said that she couldn't take any kind of pill, for fear of not being able to swallow it and it getting stuck in her throat. The other told her had a phobia of taking pills and that the problem was all in her head. I couldn't stop laughing, this was like working with toddlers. Of course I had to interject, I told them that fear is not the problem, many people suffer from extremely small throats or as we in the medical field say, "small esophagi" Anyways, they were both suprised to hear this and I had to calm them down. I told them that its all actually really simple, first they had to go get a cat scan and after that the doctor will more than likely will want to do an operation to enlarge your esophagus, this procedure is pretty common. After they get that done she will be able to swallow pills and all it will cost her is some time and around $1500-$5000."



-----I just want to say I am glad "Rachel" is not my doctor. The other two employees had a fear of pills or swallowing it had nothing to do with having a "small esophagi," so whats does the local MD advise? Get a "common" procedure done. A quick google search on enlarging an esophagus shows that the doctors literally need to scrap tissue away from the sides to make the opening bigger. And this seems to be the solution in cases where the patients have chest/throat diseases not phobias. The good news out of all of this that even though the other two employees are scared of pills, they aren't stupid and did not heed the good doctor's advise.

Border Hopping or Flip Flopping?

If you haven't read the Border Hopping entry scroll down below and give it a quick read and come back.

Just a little follow-up to the story about "Rachel" and her "flashing incident"

So earlier today a fellow employee overheard a conversation between "Rachel" and a few other employees here at the office. One of the employees mentioned about driving down to Mexico for the weekend. To which our good buddy replied, "Oh I'm too scared to go to Mexico, I would never go there!"

-----You know the funny thing about all this I swear at least once every two weeks she mentions about how she did something in Mexico to our side of the office, but yet tells people on the other side of the office she has never been and is too scared. Is she some sort of 007 who cant tell the truth for sake of world stability or just a habitual liar? I believe the latter, problem is she probably beleives the former.

Lawrence of Armenia

(As told to us)

"I have been dating this hairdresser for months, its great because he knows exactly how to do my hair and free! HAHAHAHA! Well, we are going to break up because his family is pressuring him to take an armenian virgin! Of course he told me that if he had a choice he would be with me, but he doesn't have a choice. Get this he wants to be with me so much that he wants me to move back to armenia with him, but I don't want to do that because I want to work.

So afterwards I had a talk with his mom and she like me of course, but then a week later he told me that his mom still wanted him to be with an armenian. I told you know we make enough money we don't need anyone else we can make it together with our two combined salaries, but he said he couldn't. So we didn't have much of a choice and had to break up."

----You know there really isnt too much The Office 1Upper can say to this. I mean sure she was dating the hairdresser the same time she was dating the guy from austrailia and while with the body builder, but I am not one to question the validity of her "dates." This may be the "one that got away" to our friend here, we here like to think of it more as the "one that ran away"

XLingual

First off sorry its been a while for not adding anything lately the office has all been a bit busy lately.

Now back to our Feature Presentation (as told to us):

"I was in the break room at work talking to some of the part-timers here who are full-time students about going overseas. They mentioned to me that the language barrier was a problem for them. I was compelled to tell them that this wasn't a problem for me at all! I felt it was my duty to help them out so I let them in on my secret. All experienced world travelers know, and this is what I do, is take a class on accents. Now I don't mean learn how to speak with an accent as many actors do, but how to understand anyone speaking English with an accent. I can now understand anyone on the planet that speaks English with an accent. I told them how this help me tremendously when I was overseas."



------Sigh I haven't taken a class on it, but I am pretty sure I can understand anyone on the planet that speaks English just like her. For me personally when I go overseas its the other languages, the ones I don't know, that I have issues with.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get the hell away!!

To keep in the spirit of eating "healthy" here is today's story.

Two of the employees here went out to lunch recently to the local Boston Market. And sure enough sitting in the window enjoying her lunch was "Rachel" When "Rachel" saw the two employees she became startled and try to shift her position hoping that they didnt notice her. But it was too late, she was spotted. When the employees acknowledge her, "Rachel" did the polite thing and smiled back and said hello. Of course what was still on her table was her lunch. She was eating a chicken. Not a breast, or a wing or thigh, but the ENTIRE chicken, BY HERSELF.

When they all returned she immediately started telling on of the other workers here, "You know I eat a really big lunch because I eat a small breakfast and dinner. This way I can burn the calories throughout the day."

I am not a nutritionist or anything, but I do know that if you are going to eat any meal big it should be breakfast, not lunch. Also we all have seen her eat breakfast here at the office before. She usually orders a sandwich and juice from the deli in the building. Now by no means is this a grand meal but I guess it is a relatively small meal when compared to a chicken. But hey what do I know she is the one who eats "healthy"

No Such Thing as a Free Lunch

Someone inthe office cooked food and wanted a small donation for a plate to help cover the costs of the ingredients. Sometime before the food was even cooked, the chef talked to "Rachel" about the food that would be cooked. "Rachel's" response was---"I don't eat that kind of food. I only eat healthy and organic."

After a little while the food was out in our break room and "Rachel" got a little upset about having to pay for the food. "That's not right! Why should we have to pay to eat? We should be able to have a plate!" A few minutes later she was seen handing our chef a 5 spot and thanking the chef.

Our chef starts laughing and tells us "She was the main one talking about 'I only eat healthy foods.' Everything I said I was cooking she said, 'I don't eat that!'"

Our office buddy "Rachel" must have broken her diet that day because she had 3 plates of "unhealthy" food. Whats funny also is everytime the office caters in lunch for the employees she is always first in line to pile onto her plate and none of the office food is ever "healthy"

Another similar incident happened when "Rachel" claimed not to eat red meat, but then later that week there she was having a burger, of course when she was called out on it she said it "was only this one time she had a huge craving" Not that I am counting or anything but it seems that she has these craving at least 3 times a week.

Border Hopping

This story was not told or heard by me directly from our friend "Rachel", but was relayed to me from a co-worker so it will not be written in "Rachel's" first-person point of view. Sorry.

A few of the employees here recently came back from a convention in Vegas. They just started to talk about prior trips to Vegas and some of the crazier things that they had seen. One employee stated how she either saw girls flashing their breasts or she did herself. (Sorry I didnt get the exact facts) Hearing this "Rachel" said that it was "digusting" and very "low class" for anyone to do something like that.

Some time passes and the subject of the infamous Girls Gone Wild videos comes up. One of the guys here commented that pretty much every girl that isshown on those videos are is white.

And so the real story begins....

"Well," 'Rachel' began. "There was one time that I flashed someone. My friends and I were at the Mexican border trying to get back into California. The line was really long and we didnt want to wait. So I went ahead and flashed the mexicans there and they moved us to the front of the line! We didnt have to wait at all, it probably saved us 2-3 hours" (At this point she stared laughing at her own story)

"Weren't they grossed out by that?" asked one of the employees.

"Noo! They loved it," replied "Rachel" and started to laugh again

----There a few things about this little story that we here at the office like. First she "flashed" someone even though she said that she believed that flashing was low-class. Second she said she flashed Mexican people to get into America. Now I havent been to TJ recently but last I checked there were Americans authorities letting people into American, not Mexican authorities.

Lastly most of us want to know how the "mexican authorities" were able to physically move her car from the end of the line to the front. Did they lift it and carry it? For those who havent been to the border before this is how it lookS:

Never Eating Out Again! (We'll see)

I dont recommend eating at the Rainforest Cafe. Last night after my Vinyasa Style Yoga workout I was famished so I decided to treat myself to a pizza from the Rainforest Cafe. This wasn't the first time I had ordered from there and I was looking forwardto it. The delivery guy guy that came to the door was very creepy. This was not the first time he had delivered food to my residence. After he gave me the food I paid and he just leaned up against the door and stared at me. This was obviously strange, but he finally left. When I sat down to eat I noticed he had done something to my pizza, something I'm too embarrased to talk about. Lets just say what he did to my pizza was not in the original recipe. I had to throw the entire thing away. What a waste, more importantly, what disrespect! At first I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to call the restaurant as they had my address and I didn't want the delivery guy to come back. So around 11:30 pm I called the health department and filed a "cumplaint." I'm still waiting to hear back.

---So that was the story told to us late last week. While "Rachel" has yet to tell us what exactly happened to her pizza she pretty much implied that the delivery boy "relieved" himself on it. The first thing that struck my mind was: "Isn't the nearest Rainforest Cafe at least 30 miles away from your place?" So we went online and sure enough on their website:

The closest one is nearly 40 miles away I dont know of a single place that would deliver that far, even to its best customer. Just to make sure we called the corporate office and they ensured us that they have never been in this part of the county nor have any of their affiliate restaurants. She still insists that she purchased her food from Rainforest Cafe.

But thats not all.....

A fellow co-worker posed "Rachel" the question why she didn't call the restaurant and speak to the manager about what had happened. She said she was way too embarrased to talk about it and did not want to overblow the situation. The co-worker responded that she was willing to call the health department at 11:30pm but not the restaurant and that it didn't make any sense to do one but not the other. The co-worker asked her what if the delivery guy did it to someone else's food or keeps doing it because you didn't notify his bosses.

To which she became flustered and said: "You don't know what its like to be a single woman living alone!" After that she left her desk and retreated to the break room. Later that day she spoke to another employee why the first co-worker was being "so mean to her"

In-N-ouT

Last night I went to In-N-Out Burger around 10pm with my friend who was middle eastern. The drive-through was swamped, but we finally got up to the window. Right there the girl handling our food han an attitude from the start and due to my middle eastern friend, "Jill", she didn't get the order right and we had to wait another five minutes. We finally got our food and went home to eat. As I was eating my double double I started to feel a little sick. So I looked inside my burder and it was barely cooked. I wasn't very happy about this so we went back to the In-N-Out and complained to the manager. He or she (She couldn't remember, this happens a lot) gave me a new burger. When we got back home "Jill" said to me, "You've got to see this" and showed me her burger or fries (She couldn't remember which one) was there was a handful of hair that looked like it had been deep fried. I was so upset by this and the disrespect they showed us. I wrote to the corporate office and told them the situation, I said if they want to avoid a lawsuit that they should pay my friend and I $1,000.00 each or else.

--This is what we think the hairball looks like according to her descriptions---

Hopefully we will know soon if she wins her lawsuit.